Dating applications are changing humanity in the worst possible way


Love in jpg format.

I am 31 years old and I remember the period when the Internet in Poland was just crawling. Be careful, because now it will fall famous and hated "it used to be better": it used to be better. No, do not go crazy and I do not think that the end of the 90's was a particularly beautiful period in Polish history. In 2019, we earn more statistically, we live at a slightly higher level, and we can generally do "more" with our lives. Many things have changed for the better around us. Unfortunately, I have also noticed for years how much universal access to the network has changed people. This change is a change for the worse.

No, this will not be the nth argument about patostreamers and rampant online rudeness. Each of you probably notices it, and if not, it means that you did not use the Internet at the beginning of the 21st century or you just have flip-flops. This time it's not about banalities. This time it's about something more. It's about … love.

The Internet as a medium enabling establishing interpersonal relations on a global scale almost from its beginnings offered men and women the opportunity to explore the virtual world. Couples getting to know each other on IRC, dating on various types of "czateraty", later and as specific portals with matrimonial ads … Cz Man as a potential partner has become a kind of commodity. His photos became the currency. Are you saying that it has always been like this? Of course, it was always easier for a pretty woman to get to know a loved one, but … there is a certain "but". These are the results of the latest research related to online life.

Currently, dating applications like Tinder and Badoo are in the lead, and they really change not only how couples meet. They also change how both sexes treat and age each other. Michael Rosenfeld from Stanford University shared the world research results about how we explore our other halves. The chart below should not be a huge surprise for anyone. Or maybe?

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Source: Michael Rosenfeld

Nearly 40% of couples in 2019 established their relationships on the Internet. We get to know each other less often through friends, colleagues and family. We don't get to know our other half so often at church or school. We meet in the network. Where? This is obvious, above all in dating applications, but also on Instagram and similar sites, where uploaded photos can often be treated as classifieds.

Why do we like dating applications so much?

It is very simple. Establishing relationships in real life with another person takes longer and is much more difficult. Conducting a face-to-face conversation with another person is a completely different emotion that also affects specific decision-making processes. This form of dialogue requires more attention, focus, analysis of facial expressions, or even small gestures to assess what the interlocutor feels at the moment. Have you ever tried to talk to a person who you liked on the street? Chapeaux bass, you know what I'm talking about. And what does it look like on Tinder? You move left, you move right. Like it, don't like it, don't like it, like it. You can also date a guy from Krakow, Katowice and Lublin. There is no chance that one will learn about the other. There is a reason why a woman meets many men.

Tinder – you build your ego or deepen depression

If as many as 40% of relationships meet in the network and you do not use a similar app, then in the matrimonial market your position is seriously weakening. Look at the graph above again – the numbers don't lie. The problem is that on Tinder you can not find … absolutely no one.

Finding your "date for the evening" on Tinder can take two minutes. If a woman "likes" a picture of a man and a man likes a picture of a woman, "inspiration" occurs. Only the conversation remains, but both sides already know that they at least initially liked them. The emotional cost and time spent searching for both sides is negligible. You may also not find anyone on Tinder or similar websites – especially if you are a man.

If you are a guy and you are looking for love – you have a serious problem

OKCupid has published extremely interesting data related to how individual sexes assess the attractiveness of candidates for their partners on the web. For men, women's appraisal looks … quite normal. The chart is balanced – "average" or "ordinary" grades dominate, and the most and least attractive women are very small groups of people.

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Source: OKCupid

Ladies, on the other hand, are much more critical towards men. Why? Just look at Instagram and see how much guys do in the comments to please women, pumping their ego to incredible proportions. Is only there? Oh no. It's enough to be a woman on the internet and suddenly all the guys get a monkey mind, behaving as if they never had contact with the opposite sex and did everything to make it. Such behavior changes the psyche of women – from an early age. Almost nobody will admit it, but he will be approaching potential partners differently with a group of three hundred admirers, and differently, since two people have been interested in him since last year. This is one reason. The second is probably related to … biology.

In short, telegraphy: women must be more selective because of the increased risk of reproduction. They do it instinctively. Of course, guys are also "able to scream" and nobody tries to deny it, but it has nothing to do with biology.

The combination of two factors – biology and modern technology in the form of dating applications creates a real explosive mix. A mixture that results in an extremely critical approach of women to each potential partner. Take a look at the chart below and compare it with the previous one.

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Source: OKCupid

OKCupid study as one of many illustrates the situation in question. Women judge most men … negative. This results in that most women go on dates with a minority of guys. Just look at the data from the General Social Survey, in which as many as 28% of men admitted that they had not had intercourse for the last year. At the same time, only 18% of women admitted it. Again, many similar studies can be found.

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Once young people, after exhausting potential candidates for partners in school, sought them at inter-school events, and later also open events. People took into account the fact that if they hurriedly reject somebody, they could really lose the chance of making a close relationship. And now? Just log in to Tinder and increase the search radius by another two kilometers. It's that simple. Sometimes I get the impression that we began to treat other network users almost naturally as some unreal entities that function only in virtual space. Everyone is just a nickname or photo. What happens if we reject 500 partners from our city? Absolutely nothing – we will find more.

Or is it good that getting to know the other half now looks like this? We save time, save money allocated to possible travels and dates in the city, and on this tray we get a colossal selection of potential partners (even if 99% uninterested). I am interested in the opinions of representatives of the younger generation. I am also curious what the future will bring, but based on the above data, I suppose that there are even more … negative emotions.